a hopeless travel

i wander as a
lost light waiting for it to
sparkle and be found

— emg

 

Daily Prompt: Sparkle

 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

 

a list of graduation blues

i’ve been soaring high for the past four years. now all that i had left of my wings is a single, solitary feather.

i. all i could think of right now is the separation of buildings, and ride home, and laughter, and me. the past four years were a roller coaster ride together with the people i met and the things and experiences that are now i will tell as reminiscences. i couldn’t say that every single moment was a pure bliss, as storms came, fire raged, and tears flooded, too. we kept a facade that we’re a cold, hard wall but deep inside of us lies an empty, old house that needs to be reconstructed and repainted.

ii. the moment i found connection with languages, books, music, poetry, and art, i knew i have to keep them with me. my stay in the university allowed me to explore the universe of the things i’m fond of. that moment i knew that i’m sure it’s what i’m made for – to create art. to spill ink. to allow myself to find ways on how to get out of the black hole i’m in. to emphasize that feelings aren’t only feelings; they allow you to create something out of them.

and somehow, it made me feel i am home.

several people told me creating art is a waste of time but i keep trying my best to pretend i am deaf. in music i found connection and inspiration. in books i found myself being acquainted with fictional characters who somehow understand how i currently feel. lastly, in poetry and writing i found love and happiness i never thought i am capable of feeling.

i used to feel i was home; but now that the four years of stay has ended, i feel like a part of me has lost its way back to where it was supposed be.

iii. the air smells like the petrichor from a summer rain. it’s not helping, actually. it only helps my mind recall how everything started and how it ended just yesterday. i remember falling in love with thursdays and wishing for it to never end. i remember walking along the hallways hearing laughter and jokes, and even the yells of angry professors. i remember staying up late until 9 p.m. not because there are lots school works to do, but to hang out with friends and talk about all the frustrations. i remember meeting new people only a month ago, but they made it seem like i’ve been a part of their lives years ago. i remember small fights and sleepless nights. i remember going home teary-eyed as i thought of feelings and unknown future.

i remember everything as they are vivid in my mind.

i remember a lot that it won’t be easy to forget.

and i remember how things will change in just few more days.

iv. i’ve been soaring high for the past four years. now all the i am again is someone who is lost in a galaxy trying to find herself again.

and even if fear and sadness crawl up to my body, i know i’m gonna figure myself out again.

and i know you can, too.

---

Era Mae Gabrinez
Bachelor of Arts major in English
Polytechnic University of the Philippines
Cum Laude

the thin line between everything and nothing

 

If you came to think of it,
there is a thin line between
nothing and everything.
One second you have plain
black walls —
as in plain, dark walls that you can
mistakenly call as blackholes —
then the next
you have paintings and wallpapers
and decorations,
and somehow, they lit up your room
making it a universe of your own.
One moment you have blank sheet
of paper and then the next you’ve got
letters and sentences in between
the blue lines that were ones
filled with nothing
but white spaces.
Yes, really.
There is a thin line between
nothing and everything.
Everything, nothing,
nothing, everything
nothing.
It’s just an endless cycle.
Just like when you have the world
at the cracks of your palms,
holding it so dearly to your chest,
and suddenly
it disappears.
You had it all with you —
your favorite cat,
your worn out copy of Wuthering Heights,
your favorite tv show you watch every night,
your hope, your dreams,
your love and your life.
I remember you as a shy girl
sitting at the corner
at the farthest table
and I watch your eyes spark
as people come towards you.
You were the happiest,
as you found yourself
inside the sphere of bliss
because you were so sure
that the people around you
are like your favorite coffee —
you can’t get enough of them;
you can never run out of them.
At that moment, you had it all.
But what you never think was that
what you have kept inside your closet,
what you have cherished inside your brain,
and what you have collected in your
pocketful of feelings in your rib cage
will disappear like the bubble you once blew.
And just like the decors of your dark-painted walls,
the people you’ve cared for so long
will remove themselves from being clutched into you,
making you tear down your walls
as the black hole swallows you whole.
The writings on your once blank sheets
no longer hold meaning
like how you see your life now.
Because, really.
There is a thin line between
nothing and everything.
Everything, nothing,
nothing, everything
nothing.
It’s just an endless cycle.

 

— © emg, 2016

ooo

art details:

Artist Name: Juan Jose Calva
Tumblr: jjclv.tumblr.com be.net

 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.