the grocery list

 

i. i’m used to accepting whatever they have in store without looking meticulously at the foil wrappers and front covers that flaunt themselves to the consumers so that they will be in demand.

ii. i’ve had enough of the bottle of bull— that slowly destroys my body and the sack of insincerity that i’d gladly paid at the counter because according to ads and other people, you’re a trusted brand.

iii. sometimes i wonder why you’re still full of you like there’s no expiration date for you, like you’ve preserved yourself inside the freezer that made you become what you are now, like you’re not afraid that people may replace you and eventually find something better.

iv. i soon realized that i don’t need a pack full of your judgments; i don’t need a cup full of your words that only gave thorns to my chest; i don’t need to put more of you on my push carts that I’m going to carry when i get out of this place.

v. in short, i need not you.

iv. and i think, that the thing i need is nowhere to be found in this supermarket.

 

/ gif from tumblr /

 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

failed attempts

how many ways i’ve tried to
get rid of this sadness. countless times,
i’ve listened to people saying,
“you need not to be sad.” but why
it keeps coming back even when
i opened the front door and
listened to my favorite song
and flip the pages of my
favorite book. it creeps in
when i sit on the bathroom floor
as i count the tiles, it creeps in
as i wash the dishes on the sink
and i end up watching the water
flows down the drainage, it creeps in
at every possible corner of my home.
it creeps in
so i locked the door.
i turned off the stereo.
i keep my book back in the shelf.
turned off the lights.
embraced the coldness of my room.

The City and Its People

 

I enter people’s lives the way I walk around the city. It’s like entering that unfamiliar coffee shop, full of doubts and hesitation that maybe their latte doesn’t taste as good as the one I’m fond of. It’s like the way I ask for directions from strangers on how to get to that mall, giving them awkward smiles and whisper a soft ‘thank you.’ It’s like roaming around the bookstore, browsing through book titles, slowly scanning the back cover and thinking if they’re worth reading.

I am fascinated by people the way I am fascinated by the city. I stare at their eyes the way I stare at the night lights, enthralled. I listen to their life stories the way I listen to my favorite song being played on the radio, intently, as if their words are the lyrics. I look up to them the way I look up at the skyscrapers, wondering how they reached the top, how they stand still even when it took them years to get there, and how can I build my own.

I leave people the way I leave the city. It’s always forced, like a child tugging at his mother’s sleeves, begging not to leave the playground yet. It’s like before migrating to another place, savoring the sight in front of me, wondering when will I walk through the same streets again, wondering if everything will be the same or that a new store will open or that the familiar bookstore will close down, turning it into a night club I will never visit. It’s like how my favorite band took their final bow but I never wanted the concert to end yet.

 

/ note: gif used above is originally from Tumblr. /

sonder

sometimes when i travel alone, i keep thinking of how amorphous this melancholy that is inherent in my life. i get envious of the children laughing and running around the park because it’s as if they’re in this spherical soundproof place wherein they are free from the outside world that damages their innocence. i get envious of two best friends hanging out and talking about random stuff (no, i’m actually envious of their relationship, so inseparable, and as rich as a sapphire) because for me it’s difficult to find and be with people who make feel that i’m always welcome and make me feel the warmth even when inside a cold room. i get envious of vendors on the street because they have this exuberant amount of patience and determination (some things that i don’t possess) just to get through the day.

i get envious of how they create a smoke screen, how they disguised a strength as they travel on their own, dealing with these repugnant things fate has given them. and i as travel alone, i came to this realization that a lot of people are struggling more than i do, yet here i am, drowning myself into deep sadness. i keep on wishing for myself to be happy yet i still let myself be eaten by these thoughts that are poisonous and will never do good to me.

and if other people can go on this long journey of life with myriad of emotions building up on their own systems yet manage to surpass the rough parts in every single day, i know i can, too.

i know you can, too.

—–

/note: the image above is originally from tumblr./

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Like All The Things Forgotten

(gif from tumblr)

Do you remember the times when your mother told you to wash the dishes and sweep the floor of your living room and you yelled a ‘wait’ as a reply because you’re busy playing your favorite video game inside your room? You’re too caught up fighting the villain, muttering a “damn it” as you hardly press the controller. At that moment, the voice of your mother slipped away from your mind because you were throwing punches in the air for making your character go level-up.

How about the times when you’re in midst of taking exams in your most hated subject, Math? You sat there recalling the formula for getting the value of X and Y. You didn’t know whether to use the quadratic equation or if you need to substitute or if a negative number plus a positive number will result to another negative number. You scratched your head and sometimes you took a glance up there to the ceiling, imagining what if the answers suddenly float in the air. Then you realized that no matter what you do, you will never get the answer unless you know how to find it.

Or how about when you’re having fun at your friend’s birthday party and your sister called you because you’re late for your Saturday dinner with your family? You sent her a text of apologies and ‘i’ll-be-there-soon’s’ when in reality you’re singing at the karaoke booth with your BFFs and you had no plans of leaving soon.

I am all those things.

I’m the set of grammar rules you need to keep in mind, the lyrics to your old favorite song that you haven’t played for so long, the words your teacher has told you when she’s giving you a life lesson, a piece of writing on a crumpled sheet that seems to be slightly erased, the thing that’s been long dead from your memory.

I am all the things that slip away from your mind; I am all the things that you never spare a single thought; I am all the things you put at the bottom of your priorities.

I am all the little things you should remember but you failed in doing so.

 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.