the moment i opened the heavy glass door and saw the sight before me, i knew i was in a different world. gone are the nonairconditioned classrooms and hallways filled with chatterings and laughters. they were replaced by tall buildings and people walking, wearing way too formal clothes far different from the faded jeans and college shirt i used to wear. the streets aren’t filled with vendors and group of friends trying to escape their terror professors; instead there were car after car, beeping at one another as they got stuck on a heavy rush hour traffic.
i honestly do not know where to go but people older than me say that it’s the proper route that i should take. so i did. i followed every direction and wazed through the google coordinates until they slowly mean nothing to me, like ordinary numbers i won’t waste my time memorizing. every single day became a routine, an endless cycle, and i felt like a puppet, as if someone was in control of me and my body
but you know what? maybe it’s also my fault. because i followed their whispers. because i’d be restless for something that don’t really make me happy, that don’t really make me… me. i’d stare at the computer as i absentmindedly reminisce about the old days i wish i cherished even more. i’d cage myself in the bathroom for more than 5 minutes to ease away the heavy feeling in my chest and the sadness that keeps creeping onto my veins without a warning.
and i’d always ask myself, “is this really where i’m supposed to be?“
maybe it isn’t, but maybe i have to be even when i’m not supposed to.
— words and photograph by era
perhaps — 